You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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