yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
