3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
