he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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