How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
