Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
