Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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