I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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