i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
