She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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