What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize