Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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