You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
how does that bad decision feel?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
