I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
