Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
