just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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