Your mouth is God's brothel.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
