i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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