I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
