Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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