happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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