mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
