FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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