Too much gin, very little bucket
Acid is not a monday night drug
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
