Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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