Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
