she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
