Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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