I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
soo... how was my night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
