We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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