I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
