Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
