i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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