Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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