I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Naked. naked and bneed help.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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