my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
