What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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