So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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