U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize