a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
