I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
