Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
