when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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