They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
