there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
