her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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