I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
