The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
