Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
