We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize