Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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