Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
