I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
