Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize