boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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