Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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