oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
