Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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