there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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