I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
