There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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