Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
