Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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