Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
