3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
