i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
