I heard we made out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
