I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize