I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
