are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
