she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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