I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Less talking, more tequila
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
