Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My dick has a subreddit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
