We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
