Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize