i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
