I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
