Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
