yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
