i already hear my dad disowning me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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