This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
