She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
