Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
