i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
