STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I sprained my soul last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
