Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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