in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
