i just wanna soil my oats bro
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
