Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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