If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
