Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
