Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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