No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
