you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
