They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
