Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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