The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
